Coping With Language Envy… How To Take Pride In Your Language Skills

A few weeks ago, completely out of the blue, I got jealous of someone else’s language skills.

Me?

Jealous?

To experience the ugly emotion of jealousy in my language learning took me completely by surprise. The comparison villain is sneaky like that.

There I was, working on my laptop. My mind a million miles away. Then, from the other side of the room, I heard someone speaking Japanese.

A native speaker.

Or so I thought.

To find out what happened next, watch the video above.

(Then read on for some practical ideas on coping with jealousy in language learning.)

By the way, if you want to learn a language, while focusing on fun, not comparing yourself to others, try out the StoryLearning® method for free for 7-days.

Dealing With Feelings Of Jealousy

Since I posted this video, there’s been quite a reaction.

It seems many of you know what it’s like to feel jealous about someone else’s language skills.

Jealousy (or is it envy?) is an ugly emotion.

Perhaps the ugliest of them all.

When I realise I feel jealous of someone else, my gut reaction is to pretend it's not happening.

To push the feeling right back down, deep inside.

But this time, I decided to confront this feeling head-on. After all, if I pretended it never happened, wouldn't that be admitting shame?

And I’m pretty sure I have no reason to feel shame about my language skills.

Here’s a summary of what I learned from the experience:

• TIME COMMITMENT: In order to reach the same level in Japanese as the person I overheard, I would have to make a commitment of time and lifestyle that I’m not willing to make.
• LIFE CHOICES: That person achieved what he has, at the age he has, because of life choices that are his own. I made other life choices, and I don’t regret them for a minute.
• VALUE JUDGEMENTS: Comparing my language level with that person’s language level is akin to making a value judgement on our respective life choices. And that don’t make no sense!

After publishing this video, an active discussion kicked off in my Facebook community. (Come join if you’re not a part already!)

The discussion went like this:

• Experiencing jealousy is a part of the human experience, and acknowledging it is healthy
• You’re not the only one to feel inadequate about your language skills
• To deal with it, you have to reframe you own personal language goals
• Seeing other people’s linguistic prowess in the context of your personal goals is the key to understanding and dealing with jealousy

4 Questions For Coping With Language Envy

So, if you experience envy in your pursuit of learning a new language…

What can you do about it?

Well, first, I suggest you read through the relevant thread in the Fluency Mastermind group.

(You’ll feel much better when you do!)

Then, ask yourself the following questions.

These questions, sent to me from fellow language aficionado Peter Fremlin provide a framework for thinking about your life vs the lives of others.

Hope they help.

Quick Note: The questions use the concept of the “Other Life”. The Other Life refers to the life of the person you feel envy towards. The life they have led, which has allowed them to develop the language skills they have.

Questions to ask yourself…

1. Does Thinking About The Other Life Make You Better?

• It’s good to dream, to be better
• Escapism can be pleasurable too
• It’s bad to anxiously compare
• It’s bad to feel less good about your own life

2. Would You Want The Other Life?

• Well… would you?

3. What Would Getting That Person’s Life Involve, And Would You Want That?

• You can’t know everything that would be involved in the Other Life, but you can guess if you’d enjoy the first steps

4. Is There Something In Your Current Life That’s Missing, Unbalanced?

• Something that makes you attracted to things you don’t necessarily want?
• Something that makes you look more to others and less to yourself?
• Maybe something that makes you value your own life less ?

These notes are from a conversation between Peter Fremlin, @desibility on Twitter, and Adam Spooner.

We’d love to hear your comments or other experiences on this topic – head over to YouTube and add your thoughts.